As our evening routine was coming to a close last night, I found myself weepy. Weredesh requested that I sing "Moon, Moon, Moon" before she went to sleep and as I sang to her and rocked her in my arms, I found myself welled up with emotion. As she stared up at me with her big brown eyes, love pouring out of them, a huge smile on her face, I didn't want that moment to end. I feel sooooo lucky, but at the same time started to feel sad, coming to the realization that someday soon she will start to notice that I'm not her biological mother and will start to think about her "other" mother. Her birth mother. Right now I feel like this is such a special time for us because she thinks of me as her one and only. No other thoughts about what happened to her birth mom, what the circumstances were, how this all came to be. I'm the best thing since sliced bread. The amount of love that comes out of that little girl for me and her daddy is often overwhelming. And last night it got the best of me.
I put her down to sleep and went downstairs for a little relaxation, but not much later I went to bed myself. As I hiked upstairs and walked into her room to check on her, I got the urge (again) to pull her out of bed just to cuddle. (I had gotten this urge the previous night, but thought it better to let her sleep. But as I thought more about it, I concluded that time goes fast, and these opportunities will become fewer and farther between as she grows older.) I pulled her out of bed and brought her to our bed, snuggled, snuggled, snuggled, and watched her sleep. (At this age she'll sleep through anything.) I wept as her warm breath brushed my face. It's unbelievable how much this little girl touches my heart.
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3 comments:
Now I'm about to cry. I find myself staring at my little one too and not wanting her to grow up so fast. Savor those moments while you can.
I guess I just worry about her opinion of me changing after she starts to learn more about her early life, you know what I mean? Didn't mean to make you cry! :) Hope all is well with you, Mona!
You know what her opinion is going to do of you once she learns of her early life? GROW. She's going to realize how lucky she is that you traveled so far and picked her especially to be your daughter. She's going to be so grateful that YOU became her mom because in reality --it could have been anyone or sadly, no one at all.
She's going to love you even more than she thought was possible --the same way you felt the first time you held her in her arms. You knew the whole 'story' then. The whole 'story' is going to warm her soul in the exact same way. Promise.
Sniff, sniff. <3
Love you!
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